Sue Temme

Play therapy works for children because play comes naturally to children and because play leads development. For children who’ve endured trauma and grief play therapy also allows a separation between the content and what is being worked through and the child themself.  This allows a child to remain more emotionally regulated while still dealing with difficult subject matter. Every child is different and so play in the therapy room can involve Sandplay, art, toys, games, puppets, stories and more. Through play, assessment of diagnoses for the child can be explored, parent/caregiver-child relationships can be strengthened and many presenting issues can be dealt with (such as anxiety, depression, school problems, shyness, bossy-ness, anger issues, attention deficits, developmental delays, emotional expression and communication, and also grief, bedwetting, fears, obsessive compulsive behaviours, exposure to trauma, or chronic pain.).

In play therapy children are given a platform to express what is going on for them and while parent/caregiver goals usually align with the goals of their children, parents gain insight into their child’s world to understand what it feels like for them and better understand what they are needing/asking for. Children enjoy play therapy as they feel in the driver’s seat, and even difficult subject matter can be dealt with in a fun way.

I use a collaborative approach and parents are highly encouraged to provide feedback on how their child is doing in between sessions and also to book sessions with me where we can discuss how they may help continue what has begun in therapy at home for their child. Some sessions may be booked to include a child with their parent(s)/caregivers or siblings to work on issues related to family dynamics or attachment. I have training in Circle of Security Parenting to help with attachment to caregivers in younger children specifically. Ensuring your child is best equipped to deal with their next phase of life is important to me and we will work together to ensure this happens!

Grief and loss feel like the hardest things we can go through—impossible even to live through at times.  Some loss is more visible, such as loss of loved ones or divorce, while other loss is not seen by others, such as miscarriages, loss of a job, loss of a sense of self, and loss of one’s place in life or sense of meaning.  Too often the psychological toll these terrible events can take on us can be seen by those around us and ourselves as mental illness or pathology.  Really, however, the processes of loss are better understood as painful journeys of mourning, of grief, redefinition and reintegration, rather than as symptoms to be treated.  I believe the best course forward is not alleviation of the ‘symptoms’ but rather honoring the impact of the loss and working through the hole it leaves in us to help shape what will now grow in its place.

In working with grieving clients I rely on my background in psychodynamic and existential approaches to help navigate the overwhelming impact of loss through its widespread effects on the psyche.  This is from conscious sharing of memories, through exploring alternate meanings of the loss of those we had broken relationships with, through dream work and analysis as our minds attempt in their own unique way to process the loss when we sleep.  Hidden emotions we didn’t know we would feel, like anger, are often difficult to acknowledge or express around those sharing our loss, and I offer a place where such nuances can breathe and find a place to be understood and organized as you develop and co-create a new relationship and understanding with who or what was lost.

A strong focus for my work with clients is trauma based. Traumatic responses can occur when events outside of our expectations occur that leave us feeling threatened, scared or anxious. Car accidents, deaths, abuse or other distressing events can be traumatic to us. If you experience flashbacks, nightmares, have difficulty sleeping, feel triggered by certain situations, are easily irritated or angered, notice shakiness, hypervigilance and/or you have begun to avoid certain places or people you may have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.  If you feel your living is limited due to these symptoms, you may consider beginning trauma work.

One highly researched modality to work with trauma is Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR).  This empirically supported technique is helps to lessen the strength of associations and triggers that develop and eave us feeling vulnerable and increase our ability to be triggered by random stimuli (thoughts, smells, locations, etc.).  Using this method in therapy I can help you reprocess traumatic memories and decrease or remove their negative influence in your life.  If you don’t feel you have post-traumatic stress disorder but feel triggered or overtaken when you are in a specific situation or think of a specific event, EMDR may also be helpful for you.

Traumatic memories are distinct from ‘normal’ memories in that they feel more real, like recordings of the event that can be replayed.  EMDR helps integrate the realistic part of the trauma memory so that, like all other memories, the details fade and only a partial narrative with flashes of realism remain—in such a way that they no longer ‘spontaneously’ invade your mind when you don’t want them to.  Once this is achieved, the symptoms of traumatic memories leave or diminish, and the power the memory once had over you is taken away from the traumatic event.

Another vital element of choosing to do trauma work is that left unchecked, traumatic memories can guide how we live by leading us to avoid certain people, areas, or activities, thus making our world smaller and scarier.  Over time, these limitations we put on our lives to cope with the power the trauma has over us can shape a smaller world, and that means a world that looks scarier and causes more anxiety and sadness than is objectively real.  Interrupting this process by engaging in trauma work as early as you think you can manage is an important decision.  If you feel you have already waited too long, you may be in a place where you are making lifestyle choices you are unhappy with but feel you can’t stop making.

Trauma can feel overwhelming, but the truth is that the impacts of trauma are some of the most changeable psychological aspects most receptive to therapeutic work.  Together in counselling we can work towards helping you become the self you were meant to be.