Is your child avoiding doing new things that they don’t know how to do well —such as try a new sport or AN art technique? Do you have a child who quits before they finish, or who say “I can’t” a lot? Do they tend to gravitate to the same things all of the times- things they are good at? Praising their effort rather than the quality of the outcome may help.
Many parents are enthusiastic to praise their children for a job well done. We want to boost their confidence and feeling of achievement and generally let them know we find them pretty awesome. The issue with this is, however, that our children can learn that we are happy with them when they do something really well (“What a perfect drawing!” or “You scored 3 times. You did great!”). They are so excited to be praised that they seek it out more. They will draw more or play that sport more. What they may end up doing though, is continue doing what they are good at and get praised for and discontinue doing what they are new or bad at.
The solution?
Praise their effort. Say things like, “I’m so proud of you for trying four times after you didn’t get it, that shows a lot of perseverance!”. Or “I’m so happy I have a child that tries new things even when they are difficult”. Letting them know that you are proud of them for their effort will allow them to put out effort towards new and old things alike, and ultimately will help them take on tasks that don’t have instant payoffs but require longer focus and dedication. Ultimately, they’ll be better problem-solvers, more dedicated students and engage in more things. Who doesn’t want a well-rounded kiddo? Let’s try to stop the “That’s amazing!” at the end and put that praise in sooner during the trying.
To gain further guidance in helping your own child through their difficulties book a session with Sue or Krister. They can meet with you and/or with your child and help with the small issues that if, left untreated, can become bigger.