Do you cringe a little when you see your spouse play a bit rough with the kiddos? While some parents get right in there and wrestle and throw kids around happily, others are less comfortable with the whole idea. However, the experts know that this type of play is actually VERY important!
What IS Rough and Tumble Play?
It can be defined simply as any type of play engaged in with others that is physical, aggressive, comes with the possibility of injury, but is clearly being enjoyed by everyone involved. If you have to hold your breath and hope no one gets hurt while you are listening to shouts of laughter, chances are good that a successful round of rough and tumble play is happening in your house!
What are the Benefits of Rough and Tumble Play?
One of the benefits of this type of play is physical development. When kids “horse around” with each other, they are unwittingly involved in learning balance, body control, spatial awareness, and what their bodies are capable of in general! Wrestling and other forms of this type of play also encourage muscle development (which in turn is good for fine motor skills). This is all beneficial to overall body development and self-awareness.
Other benefits may not be as obvious, but they are just as if not even more valuable! Socially, children learn so much from roughhousing together. You might not think of it this way, but kids are developing their social “muscles” when they figure out what is fun for everyone, and what crosses the line into dangerous or unwanted behaviour. They learn a lot about turn-taking, how to engage one another in play, how to control themselves and not play too rough. Importantly, they learn how to navigate the times they do go too far; from this they learn how to take responsibility and apologize for their actions, and incorporate these lessons into future play. Rough and tumble play is also linked to an increase in self-esteem in children, and is important in learning how to compete and cooperate with others.
How to recognize Healthy Rough and Tumble Play
For parents who are worried about physical or social consequences to this type of play, it might help to run through a checklist in your head about what type of play you are witnessing, so you can know if you should intervene or let it be.
In a healthy bout of rough and tumble, EVERYONE is having a good time, which you can tell by listening to the laughter or looking at the smiling faces. You should be able to recognize joy on the face of every child and adult involved. The intention is to have fun. No one is being bullied or forced to participate.
Real fighting looks very different. Children involved in real conflict exhibit anger, frowns, grimaces or tears. Their body language will be more rigid. It is not playful. Kids who are truly fighting will attempt to get away from one another, not continue the activity. The intention of real fighting is to hurt one another, which will look very different from play-fighting.
In Conclusion
If you can keep these differences in mind while watching your kids, you will know when to intervene and when to let them continue figuring out the world together in a positive, healthy way! Let’s summarize the benefits to letting kids engage in rough and tumble play. It fosters:
- Social Skills
- Self-control
- Empathy
- Perspective-taking
- Problem-solving
- Self-esteem
- Healthy cooperation
- Healthy competition
If you are still hesitant, then start out slowly. Try some rubber or foam swords and some firm boundaries, like no hitting faces. In fact, having adults participate is a good way to ensure healthy and safe boundaries stay in place. This is especially true when children are very young, or come from homes with an only child where play-fighting won’t happen as regularly otherwise. Plan some wrestling, pillow fights and tickle wars! Who knows, you might find you actually enjoy playing with your kids in a rough and tumble way, after all!